Tuesday Top Ten: Schmidt Moments

I know people have mixed reactions to New Girl (you either love it or you think Zooey Deschanel is a twee, tight-wearing, not-at-all-adorkable annoyance). Me? I love it, clearly, and that’s largely because of Schmidt, the breakout character and frequent saving grace of season one. Schmidt is hilarious, and Max Greenfield is flat-out brilliant in this role.

In celebration of a new season full of Schmidt shenanigans (the show premiered last week and the awesomeness continues tonight), I thought I would compile my top ten Schmidt moments from season one (though there were so many amazing moments it was hard to narrow it down to these ten). Can you imagine how many more awesome Schmidt-isms there will be in season two?

(1) The Montage of Schmidt’s Douchebag Jar Violations:

I know some people think New Girl’s recurring “Douchebag Jar” joke is lame, but it always kills me when Schmidt says something Jar-worthy. You can imagine my enthusiasm, then, when New Girl did a whole montage of Schmidt’s Jar violations. Some gems:

  • “Guys, has anyone seen my good pea coat?”
  • “Have you seen my shark skin laptop sleeve?”
  • “Darn it! Has anyone seen my croquet cleats?”
  • “Damn it! I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!”

(2) Schmidt’s Cheesy Innuendos:

Only Schmidt could seduce the ladies by comparing sex to cheese. I loved his cheese speech to Cece because it was just so Schmidt: you gotta keep it classy and refined, people. For example: “But we haven’t even gotten to the cheese course. A little sharp-aged cheddar. Manchego. Some buttery Gruyère. You sure you want to miss out? I’m going to slowly peel the wax off your baby bells. How about a little stinky Taleggio? Or maybe some cream cheese. Want some schmear, Cece? Wanna party with Havarti?

(3) All of the Indian Things Schmidt Enjoys:

This monologue was so brilliant that the only way to do it justice is to quote it verbatim. To wit: “I love Slumdog, I love naan…pepper, Ben Kingsley, the stories of Rudyard Kipling. I have respect for cows, of course. I love…the Taj Mahal, Deepak Chopra, anyone named Patel. I love monsoons, I love cobras in baskets. Naveen Andrews. I love mango chutney…really any type of chutney.” So good. Also: you haven’t lived until you have heard Schmidt pronounce “chutney.”

(4) Schmidt’s Fashion Sense:

Part of Schmidt’s essential swagger comes from his impeccable (in his own mind, at least) sense of taste and style. Some examples? He wears driving moccasins and croquet cleats. When he has to walk home, he complains, “I have my slippiest loafers on.” Jess bribes him with a pair of Calvin Klein slacks. And how does Schmidt make sure his skin always looks good? Body gelato, naturally.

(5) Schmidt’s Parkour Moves:

The brilliant thing about Max Greenfield as Schmidt is that he makes tired jokes seem hilarious. For example, Parkour gags have been done before (see: The Office), but perhaps not quite as awesomely as when Schmidt literally bounced off the walls of their loft in his excitement over Cece spending the night. And, making this moment even better, Schmidt capped things off with some mock speed skating moves (“Apolo Anton Ohno!”).

(6) Schmidt Plays Sexy Santa at Work:

Naturally, Schmidt (everyone’s favorite Jewish guy) would play Santa Claus. And, naturally, he would feel the need to put his own…special spin on Mr. Claus. Yep, Schmidt dresses up as sexy Santa every year for his office party. It might be a little scary for the children that attend, but the ladies like it just fine.

(7) Schmidt Cooks Thanksgiving Dinner:

When Jess invited a coworker over for Thanksgiving dinner without actually knowing how to cook Thanksgiving dinner, it was Schmidt who stepped up to make the meal. Of course, this brought out his strongest OCD tendencies: “I wanna let you know up front that I have some control issues in the kitchen. So if I’m gonna do this, I’m cooking the whole meal. I don’t want you touching anything. And I don’t want to hear Schmidt, Schmidt, you’re using too much tarragon.”

(8) Schmidt’s Damp Towel Rage:

If there’s one thing Schmidt hates, it’s a damp towel. His anger over his towels always being damp was hilarious (spoiler alert: it was because Nick always uses them), but you know what was even better? His solution: “I will be putting my dehumidifier and my towel in my room, where nothing ever gets wet.”

(9) Schmidt’s Upside Down, Hanging Sit Ups:

One thing Schmidt knows? How to impress the ladies. When Cece sleeps in his room, Schmidt gets up early, oils his body (of course), and hangs upside down from a pull-up bar, just waiting for her to wake up. My favorite part of this gag? Schmidt would lose consciousness every few seconds. Just how long was he hanging upside down, waiting for Cece? The world may never know.

(10) Schmidt’s Kimono:

The visual of Schmidt in a super-short kimono would be enough to merit inclusion on this list, but Schmidt went even further by opening his mouth. He pronounced kimono hilariously (“keeee-mo-no”) and also couldn’t help but abbreve it: “I just wanna come home, put on my ‘mono and just hang loose man.”

If you watch New Girl, what are your favorite Schmidt moments?

(Image Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10)


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